proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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