Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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