I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
