bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
