A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
