If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
