my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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