I showed him my bush... on skype.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
