i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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