Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
