Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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