is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
