If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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