Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize