i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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