all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
