My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
