You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My ATM looks so different sober.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
