nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I believe in your delicious
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
