this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
