and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
