What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
