i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
