i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
