haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
