this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
