I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
