his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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