There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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