My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
