Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
