I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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