Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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