When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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