you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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