I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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