Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My nipple is on Facebook.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize