I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
