1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize