I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
