We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
