did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
