Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
