I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
