It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
