I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
