They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
