you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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