Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
