We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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