I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
