But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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