dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
