everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
