Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
