I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize