its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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