Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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