He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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