there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
