Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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