so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
