No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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