So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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