don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
