dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
