why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
