for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
