it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
