Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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