there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
