You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
