the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
