Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
