She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
