we have officially lost it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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