awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize