$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
