Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
