when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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