Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
